A Freshman's Guide to Carnival
You and I have one thing in common: We’ve both never been to Spring Carnival. Fear not, because my expert sleuthing over the past few days has allowed me to gain insight into this mysterious campuswide event. What does a midway taste like? Who’s in the doghouse? I’ll answer all your questions and more in the guide below!
Spring Carnival came to be when CMU administration realized that the student body may revolt without bread and circuses. Hence the tradition of selling snacks so unhealthy they make Stack’d Underground look like a dietician’s haven. The rest of Carnival’s events grew out of this singular focus: to let the CMU student be happy, if only for a moment. It’s why Booth is such a popular event: Oh, the fulfillment of constructing a building instead of bombing it down!
Buggy, another crowd favorite, draws from the CMU student’s innate desire for physical affection. Nothing says “love” to a touch-starved college student like being stuffed into a tiny metal tube and dropped down a steep hill. Truly a heartwarming way to spend your mornings at Carnival!
If Buggy and Booth are too mainstream for you, there are always alternatives. Doghouse, a smaller form of booth, allows students insecure about their size to feel a little bit better about themselves. And for those with too much cowardice to risk life and limb in Buggy, Mobot provides a CS student friendly alternative where athleticism is completely optional.
Spending too much time outside is dangerous for CMU students, so Carnival also provides a wide array of indoor activities to enjoy. Head over to Hunt Library and enjoy the “Room to Imagine”, a showcase of 125 ways that CMU history can circle back to Andy Warhol. There’s also a Carnival Activities Tent, the perfect spot for a meet-cute with that handsome alumnus fifteen years older than you. Go for it, girl!
Now, I’d mention the various rides and games at Carnival, including the massive Ferris wheel that they lug onto campus somehow, but real CMU students have better, more productive ways to engage in risk. This includes Day Drinking, a fun event where students drink during the day. This is accompanied by Day Partying, both of which actually last well into the night!
Despite this, it’s important to stay safe. That’s why you should NOT attend the Fetty Wap concert on Saturday night. I heard he’s been in jail or something. Also, make sure to always hold the dorm doors open for random strangers walking behind you. If you don’t, they might get mad and yell at you, so it’s definitely safer to let them in.
Have fun at Carnival, and remember this: Everything going wrong in your life doesn’t have to exist for just this one weekend. Your taxes are filed, your summer job is locked in, and your finals are ages away. This is the one fun thing that happens at CMU, so you might as well enjoy it.