An Editor's Guide to Crushing Students' Spirits
As an editor of this fine magazine, I spend a lot of time wading through incomprehensible drivel to guide it toward the pinnacle of our satire content: comprehensible drivel. It's a difficult job, one involving strategery and manipulation more so than artfulness or constructive collaboration. When I sit down across the desk from a young writer, I consider the words of the chess grandmaster Magnus Carlsen: "I am trying to beat the guy sitting across from me and trying to choose the moves that are most unpleasant for him and his style."
If you're a TA, this likely sounds familiar. Figuring out what to write in red pen to deliver a maximally crushing blow to a pathetic first-year is something that requires years of practice. So, I sat down with PhD candidate Mark Downapointe, a four-year veteran TA of 21244, to collect his tips and tricks into a single informative interview.
"So first, you want to master what I call the 'demotivation sandwich,' " Mark told me. "You start by bitterly criticizing a tangible flaw in the student's work. For example, 'this proof is incomprehensible.' Then, you lift their spirits a bit with a compliment. 'You were born with a lot of talent' is a good one, more on that later. That opens the student up a little. Gives them a little self-confidence, which invites vulnerability. Then you ride that wave and follow it up with the second slice of bread. 'But I can tell you don't have what it takes to pursue a bachelor of science in mathematics.' "
Compliments aren't all the same though, Mark warns. You don't want to base your compliments off of the student's hard work. Instead, root all of your praise in fundamental attributes. "You don't want to leave personal growth in the equation. Your student should feel that they have a fixed domain of knowledge and skill outside of their own control. If they aren't succeeding, they need to believe it's an immutable flaw at the core of their very self. Sneaking this in through compliments, ideally from a young age, is how you build up that instinctual response to failure."
It also helps to know your enemy. Most CMU students were in the top few percent at their high schools. They never failed a class, and were likely on the honor roll. "Most kids that come here have never known academic failure. They've never had to confront inadequacy or recognize that learning is a muscle that must be trained. You want to maintain this at all costs. When they start missing lectures, failing exams, dropping letter grades, this needs to strip away the identity they've spent 12 years proudly building as an academic prodigy. Weaponize their sense of self."
I found Mark's refined techniques enlightening, despite his insistence that I am psychologically and constitutionally incapable of attaining his high level of skill. This article's first draft made its rounds among our editors, who loved his advice. One pulled me aside to tell me that while interviews have always been my strength, I just don't have the capacity to make it in the journalism industry. I hope that you too are able to find a use for the tips and tricks contained within this article.