It is with a heavy heart that I, Joseph McCathy, admit we have been slighted. We are all the victims of a great and mighty deception perpetuated by 7 members of the ReadMe staff. ReadMe, like many great organizations before it, is infected by the fever known as Communism. This violent fever took down the Russian Empire in 1917, the Roman Empire in 476, and nearly toppled our great American Empire in the 1950s. If we do not purge our righteous organization of these 15 communist spies, it will certainly join other nations in a slow and painful death.
At the forefront of my extensive list is none other than the Editor-and-Chief of ReadMe, Eshaan Vyom Joshi. As one of ReadMe’s most influential leaders, it was devastating to find such irrefutable evidence of his ties to Communism. It has been reported from multiple credible sources within ReadMe that at weekly staff meetings, Eshaan implores excessive use of the words “we” and “our”. This is especially concerning as his usage of these disturbing communist words is higher than all 38 communist spies on my list. Furthermore, on the Saturday of April 20th, Eshaan was documented to have been wearing a red hoodie. This is the traditional garb of the communists! Perhaps most damning of all is the fact that Eshaan is in part responsible for the allocation of the ReadMe budget, and my investigation has revealed that all ReadMe members are paid equally. Now I, as most, would like to give the esteemed Eshaan the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps our successful war against the communists has left him unaware of the true measure of his disgraceful behavior. However, Eshaan not only cavorts with the other 71 communists on ReadMe staff, but also is the sole member responsible for all of their recruitment! With all the evidence against him, it is impossible for one to defend Eshaan without indulging in excessive ignorance or being a communist as well.
I hope by now it is clear how severe ReadMe’s communist infection has become. The power in Eshaan’s hands alone could be used to topple democracy as we know it. With the added support of the 129 other communists on my list, we could have in our hands an extinction-level event. But fear not, with your support I can leverage my position in ReadMe to purge it of all communists. The communists know that I alone can save us, which is why they will send others within their ranks to silence me. So if you hear allegations of insanity, stupidity, and insatiable thirst-for-power lobbed against me, know that these are the deceitful lies of the 347 communists that have infiltrated ReadMe. I believe we can win this brutal war and eliminate all Communism once and for all. You may rest soundly knowing that Joseph “ReadMe” McCathy is in your corner. May God bless America.
