Let it become beknownst to whomstever accused our collective of various “allegations”, that they are all factually incoherent and blatantly untrue. This response will be organized in the following format — an untrue statement made by an adversary, and our rebuttal.
“Readme will be responsible for various cases of food poisoning on campus on April 1st, 2024”
We are unaware of which individual would provide you with such abhorrent misinformation.
“Readme likes to place banana peels all over campus so that people will slip and die”
We do not dabble in the realm of banana peels — orange peels are our domain.
“Readme made an improvised weapon of mass destruction and currently holds it in CUC 306”
What an insult to our reputation! I can assure you that significant research and efforts were put into the fabrication of such a device!
“Readme destroyed the Donner reading room”
The assertions that we burned down the Donner reading room are, much like Donner, baseless and offensive. We destroyed the entirety of that wretched building.
“Eshaan Joshi does not pay his workers”
I admit defeat, this may have at least a small hint of truthfulness.
[Author has been summarily shot]
