5-Hour Transgender
From the brand that brought you the iconic energy shot, our labs have produced something entirely new: the pocket-size bottle that changes your gender, 5-Hour Transgender. Say goodbye to those long, tiring study sessions where daydreaming about having boobs distracts you from your calculus. Kiss goodbye to those groggy 8 AMs where you wish there was a little something stiff in your pants to wish you a good morning. With 5-Hour Transgender, your birth certificate is no barrier to presenting as any gender you choose for a short amount of time, without the cost and complications of traditional transness.
5-Hour Transgender is available in three variants: feminine, masculine, and androgynous. Our quick-acting formula transforms not only your blood chemistry, but also your brain, your tissue structure, and your reproductive organs. Bring tape! Each variant is sold in multiple palatable, sugar-free flavors. Our masculine variant is available in black coffee, blueberry, or gunmetal, while our feminine variant comes in delicate flavors like strawberry, rose hips, or ambiguous blue liquid. Want to give androgyny a try? We offer vanilla, coconut shea butter, or infected piercing.
A disclaimer on the back of the packaging covers most bases, but be sure not to use the product when going through airport security, as TSA agents may not know which location on your body to grope. Additionally, avoid making serious changes to your body while under the influence of 5-Hour Transgender. Upon expiration of the five hour half life, some aspects of the bottled gender may carry over, which doctors describe as "rad" or potentially "arousing."
As this product hits the markets, mark your calendars for the release of further inventions from 5-Hour Brands. Hitting the shelves soon, we've got 5H-our Autism, 5-Hour Suffocating Dread, and most exciting of all, 5-Hour Power of Attorney (win back an afternoon with the kids!).