Hey Alums! Here's what's new on campus
Welcome back to campus, alumni! We hope that you have fun during carnival, and that the school brings back warm memories of your time here. CMU’s changed a lot since you’ve graduated, but don’t fear: readMe is here to get you up to speed.
Schatz has acquired its first Michelin star.
The premiere dining experience on CMU’s campus is Schatz dining hall. We recommend alumni enjoy a delightful supper. However, be aware that the dress code is strictly enforced, and anything less than a suit will get you evicted from the premises. They didn’t pay for 2nd-floor window access for nothing.
Entropy has reasonably priced items.
Following popular demand Entropy has re-evaluated its pricing scheme. The cost of a bag of chips has gone from 1 kidney to $13.99.
Walking to the sky has been extended by 1 foot.
We don’t really know why they did this one. Make sure to remind current students that when you were here walking to the sky was a foot shorter. But only ‘about’, because you’re mostly sure, and it used to seem a little taller anyway back before Gates was installed or whatever.
15-122 is now an easy light hearted class.
Current students don’t know the pain they could have suffered. Make sure to point out that when you were here it was a real class and this generation doesn’t know how good they have it. You had to walk to check-ins uphill both ways, after all.
CMU Football is all the rage.
Students have finally recognized the talent of our football players. There are rumors of plans for a new, larger football stadium in the works.
Unfortunately Donner is still here.
If there's one thing that will never change about CMU, it's the empty promise that Donner will be torn down. This time they really mean it, guys.