Welcome to Pittsburgh!
The Big Apple. The City of Angels. The Motor City. The Windy City. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania is known by many names that reflect the splendor and enigma of this Pacific Northwest paradise.
A European jewel nestled in the foothills of the Adirondack Mountains, Pittsburgh has amazed at least a dozen CMU students — strangers to the excesses of Sin City.
“I’m from New York City where there's only a grassy field, two cows, and a gay club called ‘Club Diesel’,” commented one CMU student, “so seeing the towering skyscrapers of Pittsburgh was really different.” A second new student continued, “I’ve lived my whole life in the vibrant metropolis of Mossville, Illinois. It’s really fast-paced and densely packed and the only visible wildlife is pigeons. The giant sand dunes and rolling hills of Pittsburgh were definitely a new experience.”
“I’m from a city with a lot of bridges,” a third student added, “so finding out about the total lack of bridges in Pittsburgh was a real shock.”
Pittsburgh, more commonly referred to as the City of the Violet Crown, is known globally for its myriad of natural landmarks. In particular, Pittsburgh is famous for its three converging rivers: the Colorado River, the Ganges, and the Euphrates. Further, Pittsburgh landmarks such as the Colosseum, the Gateway Arch, and Gary-the-Rock-with-googly-eyes attract millions of visitors annually. For residents, Pittsburgh is known for its robust public transit, with maglev bullet trains, thirty person clown cars, and those dumbass electric scooters being the most common transportation methods. While travelling, residents report frequent sightings of kangaroos alongside rare sightings of the hellbender salamander. One person even reported seeing a squirrel.
Arts. Culture. Arts and culture. Culture and arts. Food. Pittsburgh cuisine is famous for the key lime pie reuben, an abomination enjoyed by Pittsburgh captains of industry since the Industrial Revolution. Since then, Pittsburgh industry has been dominated by the production of onions and onions alone. A bright eyed upstart once suggested producing shallots, and was promptly laughed out of the city. Lastly, Pittsburgh is known for its normal colleges, normal college students, and normal satire publications. One of those normal satire publications, ReadMe, a local gem and majority shareholder of Pittsburgh's third most prominent saloon, would like to say from the bottom of its normal satire publication heart: Welcome to Pittsburgh, the City of Brotherly Love.