A letter from the Editor
It's hard to figure out what we're going to say in these first few issues. The freshmen class is so new. Unsullied with the weight of the world you'll start carrying after syllabus weeks. Hopeful for the memories and bonds you'll form in their two or three hours of free time a month. Naive enough that you'll believe anything you're told. Which is a big problem if anyone gets to you before we do.
So listen up, 'cause we've got some advice. First, the best thing you can do to acclimate is find the biggest guy on your floor and pick a fight with him to establish superiority. CMU is a prison, and the only thing anyone cares about is how tough you seem. Second, always remember you go to a private school. It's hard being that much better than everyone else. Do not let people forget that. Third, remember these CMU rules:
1) It's not underage drinking if you've aged from stress. I'm basically 35 at this point
2) Never invest in your roommate's startup. Those only work out at Stanford
3) Party hard, live fast. Run from the cops faster.
We here at readme are ecstatic that you've decided you've decided to come to CMU, of all places. Because now you're stuck here. There is no escape. Your attempts to 'have fun' will be overwritten by 60 FCE semesters that are required to graduate on time. Your dreams of partying and getting drunk will be relegated to a sad, lonely, "what's the move" text sent at 10:35 in your floor gc. Your weekend plans will get ruined because some sicko assigned the homework to be due at 8 P.M. on a Saturday. And when you, sobbing to yourself, try to find a transfer application for somewhere, anywhere else, you'll sit there, staring at a buffering screen, because when CMU boasts that it had the 'first campus wide Wi-Fi network', that's because that's the tech they're still using.
We're not trying to scare you off. We're sure you'll have a great time here. It's a four year experience that lasts between four-and-a-half and five, statistically. So lock in, buckle up, get ready for your one (1) life-changing college experience, and with a warm welcome to the place we love...