Scotty's Obituary
Scotty Dog passed away on the night of August 25th from the terrible disease of two bullets to the side of the head. She was born in 2007 in Calgary, Canada to two Scottish Terriers who are both deeply mourning her passing. In 2008, the family decided Pittsburgh would be a better city for their child to grow up in, not knowing that the apathy of its college students would lead to her untimely demise.
Scotty was an enthusiast of CMU’s athletic department. She was a delight to have at every match she went to, which was all of them. Many students have considered quitting their teams to mourn her, which has severely decreased the alumni donations CMU has received lately. However, the main reason most donations have ceased is because a certain someone didn’t care enough about the last issue of ReadMe to save their mascot’s life.
Scotty, despite having no children, considered all of CMU to be her family. Therefore, this student could have helped their relative – their own dog – and chose not to. Her remains will be cremated and thrown off the top of Walking To The Sky, in honor of the wonderful career she never got to have. She will be missed. You won’t. You monster.
