Readme: An Unbiased, Impartial Review
I, Linda Green, a proud member of the Good Christian Mothers of America, would like to make my voice heard on this despicable and anti-Christian so-called satire newspaper.
I was first introduced to this wretched and unholy publication after I learned about the secret homosexual agenda of The Very Hungry Caterpillar (rainbow foods? Wow). To prevent further contaminating the minds of my three-year-old triplets, Kelly, Ann, and Kelly Ann, I quickly sought to review the rest of their bookshelf to make sure everything was consistent with the teachings of the Bible. All I found was blasphemy. Harold and the Purple Crayon? Everyone knows all artists are homosexuals. Matilda? A witch disrespecting the nuclear family. The Cat in the Hat? A hat is simply inappropriate attire for a cat.
Beleaguered, I took a walk to ponder how to supplement my children’s pagan public school education. I saw out of the corner of my eye a ripped and stepped on piece of paper, clearly abandoned and uncared for. I looked closer. “Read Me”, the paper commanded. It was a sign from G-d.
Little did I know it was not a sign from G-d but from the Devil. I was the liberal agenda’s vessel, leaving the minds of Kelly, Ann, and Kelly Ann poisoned, twisted, and also slightly more informed about Judaism for some reason.
Unlike the entirety of the bible, ReadME is NOT appropriate to read to three-year-olds before they go to sleep. I was tricked by Nancy Pelosi, Hunter Biden’s laptop, those darn feminists, and the homosexual gays.
The Good Christian Mothers of America rejects readMe as the G-dless propaganda it is. Your publication is an affront to any self-respecting person that would like to be let into the pearly gates. There is no decency in readme. No holiness. No G-d. I have now seen the Devil. I have looked him in the eye. His name is Editor-in-Chief Eshaan Joshi.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.