Some Popular Books
Where the Wild Things Are: 10/10. This mind-blowing pocket guide, published by Readme itself, assists sun-deprived, fun-deprived, perpetual studiers such as yourself in touching grass around campus. With directions to secret locations, such as “The Cut,” you’ll find yourself getting more Vitamin D this semester than ever before.
This guide includes a detailed map of Doherty Hall, soon to be recognized as a National Endangered Animal Refuge, due to its status as the home of the Doherty Creature. It also has step by step instructions to approaching the Creature without losing limbs, ligaments, or livers. It also provides dozens of groovy activities in the event that you find yourself outdoors. Watch the sunrise, before it starts happening too early to drag yourself out of bed. Throw snowballs at Tepper students. Be a part of Carnegie Mellon history by hurtling a funny shaped vehicle down the hills of Pittsburgh every weekend. Do you enjoy waking up at the crack of dawn to haul a boat up and down a river? Join CMU’s Rowing Club! Participate in the timeless CMU tradition of painting the fence (Side effects include: hypothermia, chronic sleep deprivation, having fun, joint pain, talking to real humans, and lead poisoning)! Do you enjoy sports inspired by pie tins? Try Ultimate Frisbee Club! Are you really lazy, and looking for something to watch while you eat lunch? Watch “Strangers Playing Tennis!” Five points for every audible grunt, ten points whenever the guy in the blue shirt drops his racket– riveting stuff. All that, or you can be a killjoy and “study.” Whatever.
You need to touch grass, and Readme is here for you. Get your copy of “Where the Wild Things Are” today.
Animal Farm: 2/10. This book is marketed as “the common man’s guide to managing a farm”, but when I tried following the directions as stated, my pigs started oppressing each other and the sheep wouldn't stop chanting.