Morewood Gardens Undergoes Revitalization
It is no secret that the dorms at CMU have some... issues. Such a thing is to be expected for a college struggling to obtain adequate funding, but the students over at Morewood Gardens have been putting great effort into revitalizing their home.
This effort first began with the collection of manure, which is used by farmers to provide nutrients and improve soil health for plants. Up until the addition of suite bathrooms to the dorm rooms, it was standard practice for residents to relieve themselves in the bushes, trees, flowers, and/or grass.
However, after suite bathrooms were added in 2022, this practice fell by the wayside. It was simply not worth the effort it would take to go outside and relieve oneself on the grass, leading to a decline in the plant life around Morewood Gardens. This year, they found a solution: using trash cans as compost bins. By doing this, students could use the composted manure as substitute fertilizer. Ever since this practice was adopted, the vegetation has begun to flourish again. The overjoyed housefellow commended the residents on the increase of “incidents involving poop being left in common-area trash cans.”
In addition to their innovative gardening practices, Morewood Gardens has set their sights on a new model of safe sex education. One of the most effective stunts was when a used condom was left in a shared community space, showcasing the ideal use for contraceptives. When asked to comment, a housefellow shared that they “love a commitment to safer sex” and fully endorsed the stunt. In order to prepare for the expected increase in safer sexual practices, it was announced that “Condom Disposal 101” would be added to the curriculum.
All of these student-driven efforts have helped Morewood Gardens become a nationwide role model for dorm resident behavior. More efforts are in the works too, such as making a “nature documentary about decomposition” by leaving personal trash cans in the hallways and increasing tourism by breaking laundry machines to turn doing laundry into an “obstacle course.” These initiatives, and many more that are surely in the works, promise to maintain Morewood Gardens' status as the gold standard for university housing.