Manifest Destiny Doesn't Work in Europe
CMU students in exchange programs throughout Europe have made a shocking discovery. The great American pastime of manifesting destiny is, while not unheard of, frowned upon by most of Europe. Pioneering American students tried many popular manifest destiny strategies, but none of them seemed to work.
Manifest destiny has come a long way in recent years. Gone are the days of dysentery, cholera, cannibalism, and people saying “hey stop taking my homeland!”. But the essence of the doctrine remains: this land is our land, and anyone who isn’t American, doesn’t speak English, eats with their hands, or worships idols is a barbarian, and needs to go back to where they came from. CMU continues this proud tradition, hoping to expand its influence to yet another continent, after CMU Africa went so well.
Unfortunately, the Europeans have not taken this well at all. CMU students were threatened by angry natives when they tried even an eensy weensy bit of colonization. Readme took statements from multiple students of various backgrounds. One British student complained, “They’re taking our ideas- the Americans learned colonization from us!”. A Spanish student remarked, “Si continúan, recuperaré Florida personalmente.” A Belgian student declined to comment.