Funny Pranks We Legally Can't Tell You To Pull During Carnival
Pulling pranks is great, just yesterday I pulled a hilarious prank where I put opioids in a guy’s beer. With Carnival leading to all kinds of people being out and about on campus, it's the perfect time for a little fun. But maybe you’re tired of the same old boring schtick of screaming “FIRE” or yelling at hungover people through a megaphone. Not to worry, for the past thousand years I have been honing myself in the art doing a little trolling. So, let me tell you some of my favorite gags and gaffs to pull at Carnival.
First is a classic, the SWAT call. It’s incredibly easy to pull off: call 911, say that someone has a bomb and is threatening to blow up the university, pretend to panic, hang up, then grab some popcorn and watch. Pretty quickly (depending on how many other pranks are occurring that day), there’ll be a full SWAT team, armed and ready to kill on sight. After enjoying watching everyone freak out for a bit, you can inform them it was “just a prank bro.” That automatically acts as a legal Get Out of Jail Free Card, so you can just laugh along with everyone about your funny joke - no harm, no foul. I personally have pulled this prank on friends, neighbors, churches, lemonade stands, and my high school before I was expelled. So I can guarantee it'll always land.
If you really want people to have their eyes on you, streaking is THE tried and true method. Doing this is even easier than a SWAT call: just take off all your clothes and run faster than CMUPD. This is guaranteed to draw the eyes of roaming students, alumni, parents, and children at Carnival, who’ll all be mesmerized by the hilarity of your joke. I can personally attest that the sight of someone running from CMUPD in their birthday suit always draws laughs. It’s a prank that can be enjoyed by everyone, some enjoying much more than others. Concerned about revealing yourself to not be very well-endowed? No worries, just get absolutely wasted; that always solves my self-confidence issues. Last year I did this at my local Elementary school and everyone loved it. They all couldn't stop screaming with laughter.
Perhaps you really want to get an emotional reaction though. This isn't something I personally enjoy, but all you sadists may derive great pleasure from this. You've all probably seen those videos where people ask other people to do challenges, and then they reward them with large amounts of money for completion. Then there’s also some tear jerking bit about how the money will change their lives or whatnot. So, what you do is that you give them some really difficult to complete challenges (run a mile under ten minutes, walk across burning coals, etc.). Then when they finish, you bounce. Either just don't give them money or, if you're really sinister, just give them fake money to still get that emotional reaction. It’ll be just like those fake challenge videos online, except this time only the money is fake.
Finally, the last prank I can tell you about is a time honored CMU tradition, gazorching. Don't know what gazorching is, just ask any member of staff or alumni; I'm sure they'd be happy to tell you. There isn't even a requirement to use water; I’ve found paint, hydrofluoric acid, mustard gas, agent orange, and radon to all be easy to obtain and extra effective as ammo. Gazorching already has the bonus of being a world-famous thing, so no one will be upset at all. So go and gazorch all over the place! (This article was paid for by CMU Advocates for Gazorching)