CMU was always a social experiment
Carnegie Mellon. You all know the name – founded in 1900 with the supposed intention of being a “technical institution” where our “hearts are in the work.” These are all lies that you have been fed by Big Behavioralism, because we know the real reason that CMU was founded.
At the start of the 20th century, unethical experimentation was rampant. People were subjected to conditioning after Pavlov was able to train his dogs. Before John B. Watson’s experiment conditioning a nine-month-old infant to fear fluffy things, the behavioralists had another idea – starting a university where the only objective was to observe people’s responses towards forced depression.
The results so far are shocking. The study found that CMU students pushed this depression down, kept up appearances, and developed an unhealthy appetite for masochistic experiences that couldn’t be found anywhere else.
Nevertheless, the behavioralists have been ruthless in their methods of forcing misery onto students. They created Donner House to see if living conditions were the breaking point for students. They became pioneers in computer science so that they could make 15-122 a requirement for students. Those who didn’t have to take it were still tortured by listening to their classmates talk about it.
When drastic measures didn’t work, the experimenters tried small but insanely annoying strategies. They invented the CAPTCHA test to get every student to curse at their screens trying to find which images had ‘bikes’. They exhausted almost everything, but the CMU student somehow persisted.
Now, CMU finally “celebrates” its 125th birthday, as the experiment has been passed down from generation to generation. Big Behavioralism has destroyed all evidence of the “Carnegie Mellon Experiment” so that their theories could be generally accepted without the CMU counterexample. However, they keep trying to find new, innovative ways to push away the self tormenting nature and create honest-to-god depression.