What are they carrying to the sky?
Walking to the Sky, installed in 2006 by prominent war criminal Jonathan Borofsky, is an iconic fixture of CMU's campus. Many have noticed that on some cloudy mornings, the statue standing on its lowest rung will be one step higher, and a new soulless, gendered sculpture will have taken its place. Nobody knows what happens to the statue at the highest position. Presumably, it has walked to the sky.
Several months ago, such a shift occurred. But a student sitting on the Cut in a lawn chair with a superzoom camera lens noticed something odd: the newest sculpture was carrying something. It appeared cylindrical in shape, wrapped in cardboard. The arm of the sculpture had cracks from the weight of whatever was in the package.
The next sculpture to be added was carrying yet another suspicious object. This time, it was a sleek sheet metal box, with several cameras and infrared sensors on one side. The progression of ever more alarming devices on Walking to the Sky continued until the first sculpture, still burdened by its mysterious cargo, reached the top and passed on. We don't know where it is now. Assuming the transfer occurs at a force of 7,000 kilonewtons, we arrive at a likely target somewhere in Canada.
Some of the sculptures around the base of Walking to the Sky seem opposed to the use of the installation for military purposes. Daddy Thicc was spotted the other day carrying a sign advocating for peace and solidarity with the Canadian people. His child has been conscripted and can be seen carrying a rifle. Students sit by with bated breath. We can only hope that a peaceful resolution is reached.