It’s Carnival, and as a new organization on campus, readme has decided that we want to try engaging in all of the Carnival traditions! Of course, we are a small organization, so we weren’t sure if we were going to be able to do everything. However, as a group of people who like to think we’re funny, we have decided to look for loopholes in any rules we can find in order to participate in it all. Pedants that we are, we found section 6.9 (yes, actually. You can look it up.) of the Sweepstakes bylaws, which dictates buggy size:
“No buggy shall have at any time any dimension, parallel to the centerline of the buggy, greater than 15 feet including that buggy's pushbar. No buggy shall have at any time any dimension, perpendicular to the centerline of the buggy, greater than 6 feet.”
This means that any buggy smaller than 15 feet long, 6 feet wide, and 6 feet tall is acceptable. Because of this rule, and because of a surprising lack of small Asian women willing to drive a buggy for a satire publication newspaper, we have decided to be assholes and build a buggy out of a booth. The BoothBuggy—because what else would we call it?—is exactly the maximum dimensions a buggy can be, fitting a driver of approximately average height sitting in the front, and when parked, features a buggy driving simulator for curious tall people, since in order for it to be a booth it has to have some sort of game, right? Unbeknownst to our guests, however, the simulation involves them being locked inside the BoothBuggy and actually sent for a lap around the course. “Incredibly realistic!” said early reviewers. “It really feels like I’m moving at 40 miles an hour while trapped inside a giant box!” Other beta testers are suing readme to cover their hospital bills.
