Student Dies of Autoerotic Asphyxiation on Donner Swings
PITTSBURGH, PA In a first-of-its-kind incident for CMU, a student has passed away from asphyxiation by autofellatio, otherwise known as a “self suck incident.” Eyewitnesses report that late Thursday night, the victim approached the playground swings in the Donner Ditch, pulled their pants down, and proceeded to assume a position on the swings akin to that of a capsized frog. The student then used the tangential inertia of their torso as they swung to push their mouth over their genitals, a move described by onlookers as “kinky” and "actually kinda impressive.”
As the student continued to autofellate, they had their Icarus moment, swinging too high and subsequently falling off the swings. They fell on their head, forcefully shoving their mouth so far down their own phallus that they then proceeded to asphyxiate and, minutes later, die. We asked the student’s roommate, who has chosen to remain anonymous, what they think of the whole ordeal. “It’s honestly kinda tuff, going out like that,” the roommate said, “I couldn’t think of a better way to die than to do so while getting some sloppy toppy.”