His wife loves him. His kids love him. His Senate colleagues love him. Everyone loves him. Look at that face. How could you not?
When not standing up for the American Way or eating his own boogers, Ben Cruz moonlights as the Zodiac Killer.
Winner. Fond of red bikinis that match his beard.
“I will wear a great bikini — and nobody wears bikinis better than me, believe me — and I’ll wear them very inexpensively. I will wear a great great bikini on my southern border, and I will have The Tartan pay for that bikini. Mark my words.
I’ve said if I weren’t myself, perhaps I’d be dating me.”
Politician, female, pantsuit stylist, policy wonk, and political punching bag.
“I like to have fun. I can connect with the youth. Is that what they’re calling it these days? The youth? I can connect with people, but I am not a good politician. I promise you I am not a computer — Marco Rubio is. Rinie Sandfair isn’t even a Democrat, and doesn’t know about policy. I know policy. I am policy. I will write policy for you. I will be your policy. I will give you whatever you want. You want Rinie Sandfair to go away? I’ll make him go away. You want Donald Thatchrump to be the orange face of racism? I will do that. You want more pantsuits? Just look at me. You want me to make jokes? I can do that. Vote for me. I am fun.”
As readme’s final issue of the year, we print a color illustrated edition. Traditionally swimsuit focused, this year we are using a political theme in honor of the presidential race. We do have a few swimsuits present for your viewing enjoyement, however.
The images and short bios in this issue will give you valuable information about the current presidential candidates, as you get to find out the sort of things the mainstream news wouldn’t dare report. You also get to see the readme staff, putting faces to names.
We hope you enjoyed the year, and wish you good luck on your finals and on whatever your plans are afterwards. While the Pennsylvania primaries have come and gone, we still encourage you to vote in the general election in November, regardless of your political persuasion.
the cover photo
Pictured above: Hannah Bitta lives with a passion for all things dance. Though her more pragmatic parents drove her to train as a Model at the University for Beautiful People, Hannah spent her nights off trying to reclaim her first love by freelancing dances for late-night Broadway productions. Pictured here, Hannah quit her 9-5 modeling gig in June 2013 by breaking out into dance on the catwalk of “Dressed to Kilt”. Since then she has been seen dancing on the sets of “Game of Thrones” as a concept fight-scene choreographer.
Pictured above: Maurice spends his day doing three things: getting girls, lifting weights, and spending hours to make himself look this effortlessly gorgeous. He waited forty-five minutes before taking this picture for the sun to hit just the right angle to highlight his pecs, because he worked hard on those suckers.
Pictured above: Thatcherina loves motorcycles, plaid, and long walks on the beach. She has dreamed of being a model ever since the 6th grade, when she realized that her natural body was subpar compared to what it could be with limited caloric intake, surgical alterations, and makeup.
Pictured above: Ivan takes after the Russian side of his family and begins every day by practicing Judo and invading small countries from the rear. His favorite food is vodka. His favorite drink is the blood of his enemies.