The “Perpenplanker”: A Campus Legend Unmasked

by Celine Delaunay, Moderate Annoyances Correspondent

It was several months ago, on November 4th, 2016, that it was first reported that a man was spotted on the exterior wall of Wean Hall. As there was no physical evidence or substantial witnesses to corroborate this story, the tale was deemed simply a poorly executed prank. But when he was seen on the walls of the UC on the 7th and then again on the 15th on the side of our very own Margaret Morrison, it could no longer be dismissed.

After many months of failed attempts where it seemed the wall stander would disappear right as readme got wind of his whereabouts, he would vanish, this past weekend, finally, one of our own was able to successfully go undercover in order to find and interview this man.

His name is Norm A. Lity, a sophomore here at CMU with an undeclared major. He was very clear that he referred to his work as “perpendanking,” no doubt a pun on the dank meme of planking that began to grow in popularity starting around the early 2010s. One notable difference, however, between the two activities is that rather than hold his arms at his sides, Norm holds his above his head in a sort of steeple grip.  When asked further questions, unfortunately, Norm refused to respond.

Why is Norm doing this? What does he hope to accomplish? How is he able to defy the laws of gravity? No one quite knows, but one thing is clear: knowing that this man has walked in his shoes that he has then placed on the walls of their campus, CMU students will be further dissuaded from licking the walls. Furthermore it seems, for now that he is not a danger to anyone at CMU, he simply wishes to share his craft with his fellow students.