by Rin Fair, Editor-in-Chef
Loyal fans, readme has a special announcement. For the first time since its founding in 1895, readme will be building a booth for Carnival 2017. We hope to see you all on Midway supporting our hardworking bears.
As everyone knows, the 2017 Carnival theme is IHOP, so readme has decided to build a waffle booth. Well known for its waffle-making endeavors, readme was ecstatic to discover that Spring Carnival Committee has finally chosen a theme that will not leave readme desserted with insufficient dough to spend on a booth.
Readme’s booth will be made entirely of waffles, held together with toothpicks and syrup. The game, you ask? Avoid being eaten by the bears who have been lured out of the woods by the overwhelming odor of syrup. Bonus points if you come out of the booth unscathed by the waterfalls of Log Cabin.
While SCC usually insists on actual things like “plywood” or “leveling” or “not having the roof drip syrup on people’s heads,” readme is pretty sure that a word with its mascots will convince the Committees that waffles have sufficient structural integrity.
Readme has been waffling for years about whether it wants to build a booth, but given this year’s theme (some peasant acted all holey-er than thou and tried to tell readme the theme wasn’t actually IHOP, but readme quickly ironed out the truth), it was too good. Readme has been buttering up SCC for years, just waiting for the right opportunity to make is glorious booth debut.
We hope you keep us out of a sticky situation by helping out!
See? This is why you attend readme meetings, Fridays at 4:30!
Jon Stewart, king of “The Daily Show,” a small kingdom northeast of Comedyland and just west of Satireia, has made an official announcement that he will be abdicating the throne. After a 17-year reign over “The Daily Show,” it seems that he has decided to leave behind the glory of the monarchy for a more humble existence… as just another royale. Although it is not clear when this will happen, nor who will take the throne, or even if the kingdom will exist after the abdication, there is a consensus that he will be stepping down from his throne at some point that is not right now.
While this news came as a small shock to readme and others who enjoy (or are composed of) satire, there seems to be a silver lining to the unfortunate event. Lately rumors have been circulating that once he has left “The Daily Show,” Jon Stewart may be joining another well-loved source of satire. That’s right, Jon stewart is joining readme. Well, according to the rumors that is.
None of this information has been verified; however, readme is confident that it is true. Having been good friends with the illustrious king for years, readme is sure that after a satisfying career on television, His Majesty Jon Stewart will be ready to spend some quality time lending his name and satirical skills to a more humble peer (that’s readme, of course). So, while the future of “The Daily Show” may be uncertain, readme can look forward to the moment, which will definitely happen, when Stewart make the official announcement that he is joining readme. Because that is definitely what is going to happen. Obviously.
the cover photo
Pictured above: Hannah Bitta lives with a passion for all things dance. Though her more pragmatic parents drove her to train as a Model at the University for Beautiful People, Hannah spent her nights off trying to reclaim her first love by freelancing dances for late-night Broadway productions. Pictured here, Hannah quit her 9-5 modeling gig in June 2013 by breaking out into dance on the catwalk of “Dressed to Kilt”. Since then she has been seen dancing on the sets of “Game of Thrones” as a concept fight-scene choreographer.
Pictured above: Maurice spends his day doing three things: getting girls, lifting weights, and spending hours to make himself look this effortlessly gorgeous. He waited forty-five minutes before taking this picture for the sun to hit just the right angle to highlight his pecs, because he worked hard on those suckers.
Pictured above: Thatcherina loves motorcycles, plaid, and long walks on the beach. She has dreamed of being a model ever since the 6th grade, when she realized that her natural body was subpar compared to what it could be with limited caloric intake, surgical alterations, and makeup.
Pictured above: Ivan takes after the Russian side of his family and begins every day by practicing Judo and invading small countries from the rear. His favorite food is vodka. His favorite drink is the blood of his enemies.