by Rin Fair, Better Than You
Remember all that work you had back in high school? Remember how you thought that was the worst it would ever be, if you could only get through this one last year with Mrs. Martin the evil English teacher you would be free?
Well, now you’re at CMU, motherfucker. Who has the most work? Clearly Dietrich students have more time on their hands; they don’t even know what work is. ECEs are the real victims of CMU stress culture. Let’s shame everyone who isn’t a STEM major.
But you know what? All that work in high school? Yeah. You were right. It was the worst thing ever. And your poor sister Evelyn who’s still struggling away under the cruel tyranny of Dean Haygood has it much worse than you do, so shut up and stop complaining.
Dietrich, CS, CIT, CFA, we’re all equal in our lackadaisical slackery next to Evelyn. You get 4 hours of sleep a night? Well, she gets 3. You’ve been sick for 6 of the 15 weeks of the semester? She’s been sick for 9. Your professor doesn’t teach what’s on the homework? Well her teacher pulls out a ruler to measure the length of her skirt. Suck it, Mark.
So just accept that everyone at CMU works hard and stop comparing between majors. No one can even hold a candle to Evelyn. She has straight A’s and is head cheerleader on top of that. Ok? Ok.