Freshman Really Wants Floormates to Know He’s Fulfilling Fitness-Related New Year’s Resolutions

by Manet Ramsey, Getting Swole Correspondent

Two empty cardboard boxes were left in a hallway of Mudge House this Sunday, one of which was positioned with its inspirational messages relegated to the sides so that the logo and URL of the boxs origin,, was prominently displayed on the top. Most noticeably, the boxes were left just outside the dorm room of the student who had ordered something from, rather than next to the trash cans on the other end of the corridor.

“Its not that Im too lazy to walk down to the other side of the hallway,said the freshman, who would prefer to remain anonymous but who has a one-in-three chance of being named Mike. I really want everyone on our floor to know that someone in our suite is totally sticking to his New Years resolutions this year. And youll all know its me when I start looking absolutely jacked.

The freshman declined to comment when asked whether he carried or carted the boxs heavy contents from the Cohon Center to Mudge.

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