Fashion This Week: King Koopa’s DAPPER New Suit

by Ben Kaplan, Haberdashery Correspondent

Majestesty. Class. Prowess. Confidence. These are the words that come to mind when one sees Bowser, King of Koopas, new Dapper suite. Behold it in all its glory!

As you can see, Bowser has decided to go from boss, to BOSS. Matched against the backdrop of purple skies on his gleaming white ship, Bowser’s suit nicely accentuates his more “sharp” ivory features, further accented by new chrome spiked arm-bands.

Despite the raw audacity of his new look, one critic at bemoaned that Bowser hasn’t gone far enough, and should seek to completely emulate what TV Tropes defines as full-blown “Pimp Duds.” Specifically, the critic complained about Bowser’s lack of a pinky pimp-ring and obligatory pimp-cane.

However, Bowser is far too regal and classy for that kind of attire. He is a father of one biological and seven adopted children, as well as a father to his men. Additionally, prostitution is antithetical to the Koopa Kingdom’s traditional monarchical values and emphasis on strength/the ability to defeat Mario as being the decider of status, and not just fancy clothing.

With such an undeniably dapper outfit, Princess Peach, Bowser’s bride to be, must be so thrilled with herself. In the top picture, notice her wide eyes of amazement and cupped hands in awe. And in the picture to the left, she is absolutely swooning! One of course must ask if rival suitor, Mario, could still possibly have a chance. This publication thinks not—not in those grubby jean overalls and garish red getup at least!

Overall, it’s a new look capturing his highness in a new light that illuminates Bowser’s trademark power yet shines with an opulent well-founded sense of decorum.

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