by Céline Delaunay, Moderate Annoyance Correspondent
Has this ever happened to you? You’re a writer for a satirical newspaper who’s been called upon to write this week because like no other people have written, and your roommate, who also happens to be a writer for said satirical newspaper, is looking over your shoulder to see what you have so far? Don’t you just hate it when this very relatable situation happens?
Well, you’re in luck. We’ve come up with an effective way to deal with this event. Just write words! Language first evolved around 350,000–150,000 years ago. It is hard to pinpoint exactly when due to lack of direct evidence from this time, but somewhere around then, people started using words. They still do now! Words are used every day by people all over the world. You will find them on billboards, on pamphlets, in books, in stores and even in your own home if you know where to look. Words truly are omnipresent.
“How will words help me write an article?” you may ask. Well, our team here at readme has been sifting through articles and we have found that all good articles have one very interesting thing in common: they all make use of words. It is, therefore, our strong recommendation that you do as well.
“How do I use words?” you might be wondering. Our team has also anticipated this question. We have observed many people of all walks of life making use of words. We have separated their approaches into two categories for your convenience. The first approach is to use a thin cloth-like substance, usually white or very light of color, coupled with a writing utensil—generally a pen or mechanical pencil, but in some rare instances, we have found humans using non-mechanical pencils as well. With this writing utensil, you are then to form symbols on your cloth-like substance. Though we are not yet sure what these symbols represent, we have found that when put together, they are somehow able to make words.
We assure you that we have our best analysts working on finding the source of these mysterious symbols and will report when any new intel is gained. For now, we hope that this information will be sufficient in providing you with the tools to write good articles should you find yourself in this stressful scenario.