by Nick Rauen, Freshman Gripes Correspondent


It’s 4 AM and you sit back in your seat and sigh. That Interp paper that you procrastinated on for far too long is finally finished—or at least has met the word count. That’s what counts, right? You close your laptop and, in putting it away, knock over the two Starbucks cups and the one-too-many Red Bulls. You make your way down from the end of the hallway and walk into someone messing with the Wean Elevator. You shrug, turn the corner, and walk over to the stairs. You finally make it to the door when you see the downpour outside. The weather gods have picked the worst weather out of the random hat.

Every building is connected, right? You can make it back to Donner while barely going outside. Wean to Doherty, 10 seconds to the UC, another 10 seconds to West Wing. You can probably make it through the night without your humanity being subsumed by the torrent. You move down the hallway and find the entrance into Doherty, crossing the small connecting hall and wandering into the sloping maze. The exit on the other side of the hallway seems not to exist. Confused, you decide to head down a staircase, hoping the topographical clusterfuck that is Pittsburgh somehow caused the exit to be a floor further down. The abyss welcomes you, the stairs seeming to make less and less sense. If the floor slopes up, does that mean that you are actually going up floors? What does “up” even mean anymore, you ponder.

There is a door labeled simply “ART.” As you push past it, it creaks with decades of disuse. The corridors became narrower, and as you turn the corner you see the shadows of two figures huddled against the wall. They seem to be crouching over… some form of idol? They hear you approach and, startled, turn towards you. You hear their footsteps as they come toward the open door.

You flee in terror, tripping over your feet, choosing random doorways and hallways, desperate to escape. Your mind becomes more delirious with lack of sleep as the last bit of Red Bull fades from your system. You become desperate, falling to your knees when you see it. A slight glimmer reaches your eyes. The sunrise washes over you as you crawl to the exit. Safe.

Funny? Not Funny?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s