by The Voice of Reason
Everyone knows the Palmolive dish soap slogan, “Tough on grease, soft on hands.” But you sheeple probably never asked yourselves how Palmolive could develop a cleaning agent that automatically selects its toughness based on what type of surface with which it contacts. Readme Laboratories, LLC has analyzed dozens of samples of Palmolive dish soap and has found shocking news: there are swarms of nanoscopic robots, called nanites, planted by the government in the soap that can detect whether they are touching human hands.
Now, most people totally dismiss the notion of nanites planted by the government to accomplish their nefarious purposes. Even someone as reasonable as I, the Voice of Reason, have been skeptical about the existence of nanites. I’m not talking about the kind of nanites found in chemtrails—those are real. I’m talking about the nanites alleged by some to be in consumer products such as Dove shampoo and Pepsi. But then I found the Real Truth™. Yes, I had an epiphany, and, quite frankly, this truth was very difficult for me to accept, but unfortunately there is no other explanation for how Palmolive is tough on grease but soft on hands.
These nanites are covered in bioreceptors, known as Hod Or Anthropod Xylometrical Endpoint Sensors (HOAXES. Such an unfortunate acronym, but all of readme can assure you that HOAXES are real. We saw them with our own eyes.) engineered at the CDC and NIH with funding provided by the Bilderberg group. The NHTs can sense whether or not they are on a human hand. Now, this may sound harmless, and, for the time being, it is. But think about what could happen. What if the government instead programmed the Palmolive nanites to read your fingerprints and send them to the suspect terrorist database? This could indeed be part of the New World Order, in which a One World Government controls who can fly on a plane, who can cross international borders, and, by simply reprogramming the Palmolive nanites, can prevent the undesirables from rising to power.
I do not intend to scare you, dear reader. I only want to protect you. I want to help you protect yourself and protect your family. That’s why I developed my patented technology, NanoGloves, to come to your rescue. Before touching any suspect dish liquid, simply don these spiffy hand-coverings and you’ll be protected. Coated with a layer of Hod Or Anthropod Xylometrical Endpoint Resisting Sleeves (HOAXERS. Again, a rather unfortunate acronym, but I swear they work. Just ask one of our over 10,000 satisfied customers*), these gloves literally stop the nanites in their tracks. Order yours today for only $39.99 by calling 1-800-867-5309. But wait! There’s more! Order within the next four business days and receive [redacted].
*we were unable to sell any NanoGloves, thus there are no customers