Election Night Drinking Game

by Mark Saporta, Politicoholic

Eds. note: readme is not responsible for any illness or injury that may result from actually doing this. Play drinking games published in satirical newspapers at your own risk.

1. For each state Trump wins, take shots equal to that state’s electoral college votes, divided by 10, times the most recent decimal probability that Clinton wins that state on FiveThirtyEight. (ex: Ohio has 18 electoral votes, and Clinton has roughly a 50% chance of winning it, so if Trump wins Ohio, take (18/10) * 0.5 = .9 shots)

1a. Disregard any states which by this calculation would merit less than a quarter of a shot under a Trump victory.

2. Any time Clinton wins any of the following traditionally red states: Alaska, Arizona, Georgia, Missouri, South Carolina, Texas, or Utah, there is a 5-minute moratorium on drinking

3. If Evan McMullin wins Utah, no further drinking is allowed for the rest of the night.

3a. If Evan McMullin wins the Presidency, no further drinking is allowed ever.

4. If Trump passes 270 electoral votes, take a shot if you’re registered as an independent, two shots if you’re a Democrat, and three shots if you’re a Republican.

4a. Anybody who voted for John Kasich in the primary is exempt from this condition.

5. If Clinton passes 270 electoral votes, immediately drink at least a pint of water and have something to eat.

6. If the election goes to the House, drink as much alcohol as you can as quickly as you can. You’ll need it. We all will.

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