Dear Clean Roommate

by Céline Delaunay, Moderate Annoyance Correspondent

200164743-004

Dear Clean Roommate,

Look, I know you are a very busy person and can’t possibly make time for everything, but if you could find a few minutes every day or so to just dirty up after yourself a bit, that would really help me out. I know you’re going to say that you’re just a clean person and you’ve always been this way, but I was like you too until I realized how much the shared space needed to feel like it belonged to everyone.

I know that the temptation is there after you’re done eating to just go wash it immediately, but if you just take the few seconds to become engrossed in something else, I think you’ll find it’s much easier to just not. Let the dish sit there! Don’t scrape off the ort or anything.  Flies need to eat, too!

Another thing: when you come back from outside, there’s no need to take off your shoes.  I know we have carpets, but just waltz on in. Wear your shoes to bed even. You’re going to have to put them back on eventually, so really it’s a waste to take them off in the first place.

If you’re working on the table and print something out that you don’t need to turn in, just leave it on the table. And in that vein, if you’re looking for something and have to move stuff in order to get to what you’re looking for, just leave the stuff there. There’s no need to expend more energy to put it back, and now if someone’s looking for it, it’ll just be strewn about and they won’t have to do any of that pesky moving.

Finally, feel free to cover the walls with your posters and art. If there is even an inch of beige paint showing, they’ve won.  Be sure to leave your knickknacks everywhere. How will I be able to judge your character if not from your quirky useless tchotchkes? How else are we going to get to know each other? By talking?

I hope these suggestions will help improve our cohabitation.

Sincerely,

Your Roommate

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