The Likeness of Matrix Algebra and Rugby to Water and Oil

by Céline Delaunay, Moderate Annoyance Correspondent


To the student watching rugby in the front row of their matrix algebra recitation: we do not advise this.

Not because we think that you should be a model student and pay attention in your classes, no. But if it’s a recitation that immediately follows an exam that we aren’t getting back until the end of that week and attendance isn’t taken, then we see no reason for you to do your sports viewing in class.

Perhaps for those of us who don’t sports, it is not so difficult to ignore the enthralling urgency with which these muscular men lunge for a ball. If our readers are among those people, and don’t know what rugby is, they should think American football on steroids. Oh, wait.

But for those of us who lived in the middle of nowhere and still got phone calls from neighbors asking us if everything was alright because of the screams emanating from our house during the World Cup, watching any sport in silence without becoming enraged at the ref’s inability to see that the opposing team is offside or undoubtedly faking an injury feels inherently wrong.

 This means that when you sit in the front row with your screen projecting moving sports pictures, those of us fitting into the second category have a very difficult time not giving away your non-academic viewing—not flinching at every missed drop goal or particularly painful-looking diving tackle.

 So on behalf of your peers, we ask you—no, we implore you—to please take your sports viewing elsewhere.

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