Could the CAPS Mobile Air Quality Lab be Something More Sinister

by Spencer Early, Psychotronic Whistleblower

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Members of the CMU community have likely noticed the large truck and van in the CFA parking lot, emblazoned with “CAPS Mobile Air Quality Lab”, along with what is purported to be data collection equipment—the antenna-looking things wired up to the van. However, according to readme investigators, this is not an air quality lab. Judging by the ominous apparatus pointed towards the sky, with cables snaking around, connecting to the back of the van, readme sees something quite foreboding. This is not an air quality lab, but a mind control testing ground. With the branching out of CaPS (Counseling and Psychological Services), a new front group called CAPS (Center for Atmospheric Particle Studies) has been rather unimaginatively created.

According to an informer from CaPS, CAPS will work with CaPS in order to “expand the services and availability of CaPS. Some students may afraid to seek counseling from CaPS for themselves, so we have launched CAPS so we can reach out to them. We are in testing phase, so passersby (or anyone who goes to CMU) may experience significant mental discomfort. However, we can assure you we will perfect our system to provide quality counseling services for anyone within range.”

So is there really evidence that the “Air quality lab” is really a mind control center? The reporters at readme were fortunate enough to discover a first-hand account of strange activities occurring near the site of the supposed air quality lab. Freshman Kenny Harvey claims he was walking by the van, when out of the blue “[I] felt this sort of dread. Something just felt wrong. There must be something going on in [that van]. Or maybe it was just me remembering all the looming 112 assessments.”

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