Imperfect Person Visits Imperfect Campus

Thatcher Montgomery, Lukewarm Hillary Enthusiast

The Carnegie Mellon student body was split on Hillary Clinton’s visit to campus on Wednesday, with some unhappy due to the fact that she is a fallible human being, and others supportive of her despite the inherent flaws that come with existing.

readme didn’t attend the event itself, seeing as readme had a prior engagement at the printers when the event happened, but it did manage to get opinions from students on both sides of the issue.

Some students were worried that Clinton’s past was made up of poor choices and wrong decisions. One student elaborated, stating that “despite her pioneering efforts as a female politician and the work she’s done as First Lady, Senator, and Secretary of State, she’s also done a lot of things I don’t like.

“That’s why I dislike the fact that she’s coming to talk to people similar to me, and think it’s outrageous that any CMU student would want to see her. Presumably, they don’t like her either, and because she cannot ever reach true perfection but is stuck in her deeply flawed mortal coil, she can’t have anything to say worth listening to.”

Another student disagreed, however, claiming that “just like the rest of us, Hillary’s made some mistakes, sure, like her friendship with big business and her private email server. But hey, who wouldn’t be friends with big business when you can charge ‘em a cool 353k to have dinner. And her struggle against the imperfect nature of humanity and the meaningless of existence makes her something of a hero, in my eyes.”

A third student didn’t seem to care much one way or another. “I mean it’s cool to have a presidential candidate on campus, but I’m not personally a huge fan so I might not go. My biggest issue is why the fuck it’s being held in Skibo gym? Does she really want to drive home the fact that we need to invest in higher education and infrastructure? Or maybe she’s confused and thinks it’s kinda like the actual Skibo castle.”

The event was purportedly well-attended, despite the complaints. Clinton’s speech was focused on issues important to CMU students, like affordable higher education, the economy and job market, and immigration. The only protestor was a streaker, who was quickly tackled by secret service agents and escorted out the door. Afterwards, Clinton played four square with Sigma Alpha Epsilon. Bill also showed up and played some sick saxophone beats while Chelsea freestyled over the top.

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