Thatcher Montgomery, whose brother’s birthday is on the Ides of March
The Ides of March have come and gone with little to no fanfare. Why are we ignoring this important pagan holiday? readme took to the streets to find out what students think.
“Sir, sir, excuse me a moment. What did you do for the Ides of March this year?” readme’s first respondent ran off screaming, likely put off by the appearance of an extremely good-looking bear.
“The Tides of March? I like to go out at low tide and look at all the sea stars. They’re not really fish, the sea stars, so you shouldn’t call them starfish.”
“The Eyes of March? Are they watching me? They’re watching right now, aren’t they? Always watching.”
“The Ides of March? Ah yes, the day Caesar was brutally murdered by his own countrymen, including his dear friend Brutus. Did you know ‘Et tu, Brutus’ is only a popularization, used in the first half of a macaronic line in Shakespeare’s play? Did you know that macaronic means that it uses multiple languages?”
Finally, readme found someone who had celebrated the Ides of March in grand old pagan fashion, with a sacrificial sheep and feasting. They also ran an old man out of Pittsburgh, representing the old year being replaced with the new, despite the Ides of March taking place a few months into the new year in the modern Gregorian calendar.
They continued the celebrations into this week, with remembrance of Attis’ death under a pine tree and rebirth three days later, ceremonies that are oddly familiar. In other news, Christians are looking forward to celebrating Easter this weekend.