Open Letter to Apple

Dear Apple,

I am writing to thank you for protecting your consumers. We all know that third-party repairs pose a serious threat to consumer security, and your Error 53 is just doing its part in keeping us safe.

I have been a loyal Apple customer, and bought every product you have ever produced. When you came out with the iPhone, I was amazed. When the iPhone 3G came out, I was amazed again. Same with the iPhone 3Gs. And the iPhone 4. The iPhone 4s was really good, too. You know what, all the iPhones are great, along with the iPads, the Macs, the Lisas, the Newtons, the Apple IIc Pluses, the iPods, the Apple TV, everything. And as long as you keep pumping them out, I’ll keep consuming them.

And your walled garden system is great! Just like a real walled garden, it lets me pay someone else to make my plants look pretty all the while it keeps out thieves who can’t climb fences. Why would I want to hire anyone else to look after all the thriving apps that live inside the garden you tend, Apple?

Just like my one friend who got someone else to work on his garden and had all his flowers trampled, if I were to let someone else attempt to work on my phone—or God forbid, try it myself—I would just be inviting disaster. So when I heard about Error 53 killing phones that had been repaired by unauthorized repair shops, I just laughed and thanked Apple for keeping me safe.

Only an idiot would take their precious iPhone to anywhere other than an Apple Store. Who cares if they’re significantly cheaper or more common or whatever, or that the closest Apple store might be a few states (or countries) away from you. Letting someone else handle the holiness of an iProduct is blasphemy, pure and simple.

I fully support Error 53 and it’s protection of our sacred trust in Apple. It will help shun the non-believers and further ostracize the filthy pagans, which will keep the Apple cohort pure.

 

Sincerely,

Eila Vapp L.

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