Football Fans Disappointed in Super Bowl

Spencer Early, Sir Wicked Thai Chicken Correspondent

Last Sunday, 75 thousand fans flocked to Levi Stadium to see the World’s Largest Bowl unveiled. Mike Astley, an avid fan of the Carolina Panthers claimed “I can’t wait to see the Panthers win their first Super Bowl. I traveled all the way from Pee Dee, NC to see this game.” readme, wondering whether he might be referring to training wild cats to use a toilet, gave Astley a questioning look and said, “Good luck with that.”

After 3 hours of looking for a parking spot, a gruelling eleven minute walk from the car to the stadium, and eating a gold-plated hot dog, Astley finally got what he was waiting for. Following the national anthem, it happened. At first, it seemed as though it were a mistake—total silence.

But then a helicopter was heard slowly coming over the horizon. And that is when the magic happened: Every can of soup in that stadium oriented its label toward the sky. Every steel vessel of soup, regardless of flavor, sodium content, religion, or creed stood for the arrival of the Super Bowl. And then it arrived: the helicopter lowered the majestic bowl into the center of the stadium.

Paying homage, all the football players, coaches, and referees stood up and surrendered all of their can openers to The Bowl. Rather than fearing for their lives at the sight of can openers, all the soup cans, tomato, chicken noodle, and slow cooker bacon potato chowder alike, experienced a rush of honor, not horror, to be opened up and their contents poured into the largest bowl in history.

Yes, for the 50th time in a row, the NFL has managed to build an even bigger bowl. readme attempted to interview a can of Spicy Chicken Quesadilla soup that appeared to be nearly at the point of bursting with excitement, but all it would say was “Hmblphphurpurfdurphh!”

However, not everyone was pleased to be a viewer of this spectacle. Who, you ask? The 75,000 occupants of the Field of Jeans. Yes, the lucky real-time viewers of the world’s largest bowl apparently have no respect, love, or admiration for soup in bowls. On the bright side, a gigantic bowl of soup is now freely available to anyone who cares.

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