Scobell Secedes to Avoid Exams

Scobell House 2

Spencer Early, Scobell Correspondent

Prompted by the threat of impending final exams, Scobell third floor resident Michael Yu began to wring his hands in desperation. He considered talking to his RA, TA, professors, and even studying. However, the stakes were too high. Gripped with fear, Yu went to housefellow Thomas Rainey for advice.

“I just don’t understand why we have to take these exams,” Michael lamented. “…balh examns succk.”

“How about we have a secret meeting, and end exams, once and for all!” said Rainey.

So Michael and Thomas Rainey set out to Pitt seeking to evade prying eyes of CMU administration and news reporters, and entered the safety of a soundproof room in the basement of the Cathedral of Learning behind locked doors.

“You know Michael, I’ve always wanted Scobell to break off and become its own kingdom. We sit high upon The Hill and have plenty of expendable young lives to defend it.”

“I’m in! As long as we abolish finals,” Michael responded.

Michael has since begun writing the national anthem for Scobell (which he certainly did not steal from Scotland): “Land of my high endeavor, land of the leaky downspout, land of my heart forever, Scobell the brave.”

Michael was last seen barricaded in the basement, humming the anthem to himself.

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