US Senate Actually Starting to Look Good by Comparison

by Mark Saporta, Government Dysfunction Political Correspondent

In a worrying development in American politics, the Senate has somehow become the branch of Congress that is more associated with bipartisanship and good governance. Thanks to the turmoil in the House of Representatives following Speaker of the House John Boehner’s resignation and Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy dropping out of the race to replace him, the body traditionally known for gratuitous filibustering, glacial legislative speed and incessant partisan bickering disguised as politeness has turned into a bastion of sanity in a legislative branch that seems to be falling apart. McCarthy’s accidental exposure of the House Benghazi Committee as a sham solely created to lower Hillary Clinton’s approval rating has also contributed to this stunning reversal. This has been borne out in a new poll released by the organization Definitely Real Polling showing that nearly four times as many Americans approve of how the Senate has been operating than approve of the House, bringing the Senate’s approval rating to nearly double digits.

In response to these developments, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and Minority Leader Harry Reid have issued a joint statement:

“We would like to sincerely thank the American people and especially the House of Representatives for our sudden spike in relative acceptability. You’d think that consistently putting partisan grandstanding over the good of the country would lead to people hating our guts, but hey, apparently the American body politic can spew out something even less productive than us. I mean, we have Ted Cruz! Ted Goddamn Cruz! I don’t know how we as a nation managed to do worse than him, but, you know what, gold fucking star everyone, we crushed it. Seriously, though, thanks for the support. This is the best news we’ve had since the lobbyists were here last Monday”.

readme was unable to reach Sen. Cruz for comment, but you know what, that’s probably for the best anyway.

At press time, the executive and judicial branches of the US government reportedly got together and agreed to pretend that Article I of the Constitution never actually happened.

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