Questions Cut from the Democratic Debate

• I’m really interested in the Clinton Foundation, could you tell me more about the interview process?

• Senator Webb, Governor O’Malley, Governor Chafee, who the hell are you people?

• Governor Chafee, your word is: syzygy

• Which Fantastic Four film is your fav?

• If you had to fight 100 duck-sized…

• What do you think of my new haircut?

• In 20 double-spaced pages, please assess the factors contributing to the downfall of the Austro-Hungarian Empire

• Gov. Chafee, the last four years have been the best of my life. I don’t know how to ask this, but will you marry me?

• Gov. O’Malley, your rebuttal.

• If elected, how many babies do you plan to kill with all of the guns you take from us?


• Bernie Sanders, this question comes from Reddit. On a scale from amazing to amazing, how amazing would you describe yourself?

• Trump, Carson, Fiorina: FMK

• Can you ignore this question and pivot to your talking points?

• Governor Chafee, go home. Just… Just go home.

• If you were forced to kill a human being, how hard would that get you, Jim Webb?

• What would you do for a Klondike bar?

• Anyone know who that guy on the end is? How did you get in here?

• What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

SANDERS: You know it’s the 90% of swallows which are drastically overburdened. Only the top half of the top one percent of swallows are unburdened.
CLINTON: Well, I really think it’s time for a female swallow.
WEBB: Hey, hold on, you didn’t let me answer yet! It’s my tu-
O’MALLEY: You all talk about unladen swallows. But I actually am one.
CHAFEE: Look Ma! I’m on stage!
WEBB: I killed a swallow with my bare hands and ate it.

• Human life is an exercise in lifelong suffering until death, and all of our achievements are rendered meaningless in the face off the inevitable heat death of the universe. As president, what steps would you take to prevent this?

“The cat is either dead or alive if it’s 50% chance. But what if we made it a 99% v 1% chance? They would become fat cats. The other cats would form unions. What? I like cats a lot I guess. I’m Bernie sanders.” -Bernie Sanders

• What is your favorite flavor of pie?

SANDERS: You know the problem with the pie is that it’s not being shared equally! The top half of one percent are getting 90 percent of the pie!
CLINTON: You know, I can think of one kind of pie we haven’t tried yet…
O’MALLEY: You all can talk about pie, but I’ve actually made a pie. When I was in Maryland, we made our own pie.
COOPER: But it’s been alleged that there were only Black birds in that pie, isn’t that still a problem in Maryland?
CHAFEE: I like pie.
WEBB: A man once tried to take my pie. I liked him with my bare hands, and ate him along with the pie. And I’d do it again.

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