Trump Proposes to Keep Aliens Out

Rin Fair, Trump Train Conductor

Millions of Americans have flocked to Donald Trump for his stern immigration policies and his commitment to “Make America Great Again.” Needless to say, readme was thrilled to obtain an exclusive interview with the legend himself, due to its valuable connections (read: undercover bears in the Trump campaign).

readme: Thank you for meeting us here today, Mr. Trump. We’ve been very curious, of course, about your controversial stance on immigration.

Trump: I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, we can’t have any more illegal aliens in this country. So, what we’re going to do is we’re going to build a Great, Great Wall, and we’re going to make them pay for it.

readme: Right, so the question everyone’s been asking is, how are you going to make them pay for it?

Trump: You just make them. That’s how I manage my business. When they ask me how, I tell them, just do it. And it’s made me very, very rich.

readme: So, in other words, you’re going to make your underlings figure it out.

Trump: I don’t know why this is so hard. We just have to make them build a wall over America so no more aliens can come here.

readme: I’m sorry, did you say over America? As in, above the earth’s surface?

Trump: What did you think? To the North? Keep out the Canadians? Who wants to stop Justin Bieber from coming here? Get with the program.

readme: You’re literally worried about extraterrestrials landing in America and you want to make them build a satellitic wall to keep themselves out.

Trump: Of course. Aliens are dangerous criminals, and they steal our jobs. And some, I assume, are good people.

readme: Right. So just one more thing… What about the sun?

At this point, Trump glanced meaningfully at his bare wrist and exited without further comment.

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