Thatcher Montgomery, senior pornography correspondent
Now, readme doesn’t support child pornography in any way, shape, or form. But in a North Carolina courtroom, the line between child and adult is blurred. A 17-year-old is being charged as an adult for possessing nude photos of a minor. The minor in question? Himself. How can someone be charged as an adult for being a child? readme was determined to find out.
“We hypothesize that it’s an unusual state of superposition, where the individual is simultaneously a minor and an adult,” subatomic pornologist Aleck Mycock said. “When the waveform collapses we’ll be able to tell which is the true position, but that won’t happen for at least another year. Almost universally, when a person’s location in space-time hits its 18th pass around the sun, they are observed to be an adult.” readme nodded sagely.
Another expert seemed to get caught up in minor details. “We can know the girth of the penis or the length of the penis, but never both at the same time!” Dr. Jenny Talya exclaimed, referencing the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle.
Hopefully, the man-child won’t be scarred for life through this ordeal. “If I’m not allowed to take pictures of my willie, who else is gonna do it?”