Former Montana governor Marc Racicot announced his surprise entry into the Republican primary this morning. The governor of Montana from 1993 to 2001, Racicot made a name for himself in pretty much no way whatsoever. Racicot is anti-tax, pro-life, opposed to the Iran nuclear deal, supportive of an aggressive foreign policy, and strongly critical of the Obama Administration, a policy profile so similar to that of pretty much every other candidate running that it’s almost not worth mentioning. Even though the race already has a historic number of candidates competing for the nomination—Racicot’s entrance brings the total up to 18—Racicot’s press secretary (also his fundraising team, his policy workshop, his speechwriter, and his best friend Greg) assured our political correspondent that he has a realistic shot at the nomination.
readme: So, why did Gov. Racicot decide to enter the race?
Greg: Well, he saw how well [former New York Gov. George] Pataki and [former Virginia Gov. Jim] Gilmore were doing and thought, “Hey, I’m at least as much of a Republican governor who hasn’t held office for 15 years as these guys, I may as well take a crack at it too!”
readme: Is Gov. Racicot aware of the fact that Pataki and Gilmore are both polling under one percent?
Greg: I’ll admit that their polling leads may seem insurmountable right now, but we’re confident that once our operations really get into gear we’ll surpass them in no time.
readme: How is Gov. Racicot planning to fund his campaign?
Greg: With his personal Super-PAC funded almost exclusively by one super-wealthy business magnate, obviously. Is this even a question?
readme: Last question. How is Gov. Racicot going to take on the Trump Train?
Greg: Well, Marc’s going to physically destroy his cell phone in a variety of amusing ways. That worked out pretty well for Lindsey Graham, and it’ll work for us too.
Eds. note: Graham is currently polling 15th.
readme: Thank you for your time, and good luck. Seriously man, good, great, amazing, one-in-a-million, getting-struck-by-lightning-while-holding-a-winning-lottery-ticket luck.
Gov. Racicot plans to hold his first campaign event in Helena, Montana’s capital, where a crowd of nearly double-digits is expected. It remains to be seen whether he can parlay his complete lack of name recognition into dropping out of the race in March instead of December.