100s Misled by readme, Chaos Ensues

Last week readme followed in the footsteps of many eminent news sources by distributing incorrect information to its trusting readers. In printing a calendar of upcoming events, readme wrongly stated that Daniel Ellsworth and the Great Lakes would hold a performance in CUC Danforth. readme would like to apologize to its faithful readers for this error, particularly since the event was hosted by AB Underground (the underline is provided free of charge for further emphasis). Not only is the location literally in the name, but readme’s sole original purpose was to publicize Activities Board events.

However, readme became especially concerned when it found out that hundreds of fans showed up to CUC Danforth last Thursday, only to find out that they had been misled. Early on, things seemed pretty normal. While there was no set for the band, an eyewitness told readme that “people just thought things were running a bit behind. But then it was like a half hour behind, and it started to seem kind of weird.” Around 8, people started to get antsy, and after some furious texts between Dansforth and the Underground, things started to get a little crazy.

The first sign of the oncoming chaos, according to another student who witnessed the event, was the chanting of the band’s name. Other students, worried for their safety, created a fort made from tables and chairs in Danforth. As they huddled behind the dubious protection of the fort, other students began to frantically call CMU Police. readme spoke to a member of the CMU Police who confirmed that they received “numerous calls of an alarming nature regarding the Danforth lounge. Police responded to these calls and ascertained that there was in fact a situation which required a comprehensive response.” When readme asked what exactly was involved in a “comprehensive response,” the interview abruptly ended.

By the time the police began to arrive, a short 60 seconds later, complete chaos reigned in the lounge—according to eyewitnesses, of course. The fort was demolished and students were wandering around in various states of shock. While the situation sounded quite serious, readme was reassured that victims of the anarchy were provided with hot chocolate, and many of them were still able to walk over to the Underground to catch some of the band’s act.

readme likes to think of this as a cautionary tale. The popularity of a certain group can, in fact, be too great. If readme was not quite so popular, surely this unfortunate tragedy would never have happened in the first place. “With great power comes great responsibility,” and readme failed to be responsible with its calendar. Although, it was pretty entertaining to watch the fuss. Or so readme hears. From eyewitness accounts.

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