Pittsburgh Weather Strikes Again

It’s that time of year again. In fact it’s always that time of year. You know, when the weather is just bizarre or really terrible. In case you are still scratching your head over the strange weather, just remember you are in Pittsburgh and everything will make sense. Now, readme is not complaining about the temperatures (although there were a few days that were a bit on the chilly side), but the rest of the weather is just getting plain bizarre. Anyone who wasn’t locked in their room for the entire day last Thursday should remember the huge thunderstorm with gale-like winds that hit campus that afternoon. readme remembers, and it has nothing to do with the fact that readme was hiding under the covers…


Well, anyway, readme would like to make some predictions for the upcoming months. First of all, Sweepstakes (that’s Buggy to all you plebeians—and if you don’t know what Buggy is, are you sure you go to school here?) is on Friday and Saturday this week, and according to the Smallgirlsdownhills Law of Weather it is bound to rain one of those days. readme is thinking Pittsburgh might try and shake things up by just having buggies fall from the sky. For the rest of April students should wear wetsuits in order to be able to swim through the spontaneous thunderstorms and still make it to class on time. They say that April showers bring May flowers but readme is pretty sure the flowers are just crushed by the torrential downpours and quietly replaced overnight by fairies without anyone being the wiser.


Not to get too far ahead, but for those students sticking around until finals, remember to stay near a building with a basement at all times. Most likely Pittsburgh will be filled with tornadoes all through the month of May. And by that, readme means that there will most likely be at least one or two resident tornadoes on CMU campus. In past years, they have tended to spend time down near Hamerschlag or near Resnik (to catch all those freshmen who just ate dinner). Remember, if you see a tornado, quickly report it to campus police, who will park some campus police cars around it in order to keep the student body safe from all harm. In the days before finals, don that wetsuit again in order to make it through the lake of blood, sweat, and tears that will pour from all of CMU’s students. Once that drains away you should be done with finals, and if you are done with finals, you really shouldn’t stay in Pittsburgh anymore.


For those of us here in the summer… well, the entire city of Pittsburgh will simply be sucked into a black hole, because that is how the universe works. Or maybe it’s just an anomaly of the weather here; either way readme doesn’t see any difference.

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