Florida Man Strikes Again

Florida man, 69-year-old John Benedict was discovered impersonating a police officer after he pulled over two real detectives earlier this week. As it turns out, you should try to avoid the people you’re impersonating if you don’t want to get caught.

An interview with the Benedict’s sister, a Ms. Margaret Cumberbatch, proved useful—it turns out that Benedict as a child had possessed the common superpower of closing one’s eyes to disappear. Young Benedict had attempted many a cookie theft with this ability, failing only due to his inability to see with his eyes closed.

“Our mother always enabled him,” Cumberbatch let on. readme was perplexed. Perhaps she meant their mother tried to enable the theft? “No,” she said, strangely frustrated. “She played along and pretended she couldn’t see him.” readme quickly ended the interview.

Benedict had previously helped out local police by directing traffic during crashes. readme salutes his dedicated service. Florida Man is the hero Florida deserves but not the one it needs right now. So we’ll hunt him, because he can take it. Because he’s not a hero, he’s a silent guardian. A watchful protector. A dark knight. Florida police are looking into the possibility that Benedict had an accomplice in his impersonation. Eyewitness accounts describe the potential accomplice as a dapper ursine individual, who was surprisingly sexy and who the Tartan should totally hook up with. Their words. Not readme’s.

In unrelated news, readme editors have had to cancel their Carnival plans.

readme CLASSIFIED ADS

FOR SALE

2 Police Uniforms 2 Police Costumes

Sizes: Adult Medium and Bear Large

Never been worn, especially not to impersonate the police.

Contact: 412-555-RATS

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