6 Degrees of Planned Parenthood

baby hot dog

Recently, a group of fourth graders were being taught a lesson civic duty. They drafted a bill and took it to their state legislature, where they hoped they could name the red-tailed hawk as New Hampshire’s state raptor. How delightfully democratic.

Unfortunately, actual democracy got in the way, as they were told their bill was a waste of time. “I’m not trying to be mean,” Democratic representative Christy Bartlett claimed, much in the same way people say “I’m not racist,” before saying something racist. She then asked the 9- and 10- year olds sitting in the audience for their help in “staying focused on issues of more importance this year.” Because maybe last year, a bill like this might have made it, but this year, it’s time to get down to business. Maybe if these fourth-graders had proposed a bill addressing climate change or campaign finance rules, or something more meaningful.

And meaningful doesn’t imply that it means something to your constituents, of course. If legislators did pass the bills proposed by the schoolchildren who are trying to learn about the legal process, the kids might get the wrong idea about government and think it actually does something.

And the red-tailed hawk is a bird that is “known for its extremely strong and sharp talons, with which it grasps its prey. It uses its razor-sharp beak to rip its victim to shreds, tearing it apart limb by limb,” as described by Republican representative Warren Groen. Apparently he wasn’t aware what qualifications it takes to be considered a “raptor.” He followed up by saying that “the shame about making this a state bird is that it would serve as a much better mascot for Planned Parenthood.”

Okay, so he wanted to go there, did he. Well, readme can go there, too. Just taking a quick peek down his voting history, it turns out that everything Groen voted on is related to Planned Parenthood and abortion. He voted on a bill about child care. Care for children who wouldn’t have been born if Planned Parenthood had their way. He voted to repeal a bill about greenhouse gas emissions. You know what else can turn green and emits gas? The babies Planned Parenthood doesn’t want you to have. He sponsored a bill that would let landlords remove tenants’ property, in certain circumstances. Just like how Planned Parenthood wants to remove fetuses, under certain circumstances. He voted that New Hampshire school districts should not use the common core, and instead should have their students attend legislative sessions in order to have first-hand experience on real-life disappointments. We tried, but we couldn’t think of a good way to connect this to Planned Parenthood. You win this time, Groen.

Another representative, republican John Burt, said that if they let these kids have their state bird, then who knows what could come next. “Bottom line: If we keep bringing more of these bills, and bills, and bills forward that really I think we shouldn’t have in front of us, we’ll be picking a state hot dog next.” And everyone knows that hot dogs are made of ground up meat, just like how Planned Parenthood grinds up fetuses.

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