People Outraged Multicultural Events Make Them Consider Other Cultures

In recent news, white people are growing steadily more outraged about the greatest threat to American society today. No, not ISIS, and not Obama (this time). According to these white people, the greatest threat to America today is one thing–multiculturalism.

Now, don’t get white people wrong, they love supporting other cultures, it’s just–do there have to be so many of them? And do they have to keep bringing up the fact that they face systemic oppression every day at the hands of America’s white majority? It really makes those poor white people feel uncomfortable.

Take, for example, Rebecca and Charles. Rebecca and Charles are two white parents who pulled their daughter out of school after a school-wide Black History Month performance went horribly awry.

All Rebecca and Charles wanted was to see their daughter perform in a tame, inoffensive show that would let them feel good about how tolerant they were being without actually having to acknowledge that racism continues to exist today. But, to their horror, they found the performance used slogans and images reminiscent of…Ferguson (*cue dramatic thunderclap*).

“It had quite a few different acts that I was worried were going to be quite controversial,” Rebecca explained, because as we all know controversy is only tolerable when you’re trying to teach students creationism. But it got worse: “Everywhere we looked were students, high school students, wearing shirts that said ‘Black Lives Matter, I Can’t Breathe’.” The nerve of those students, wearing T-shirts at her! Can’t they see she’s trying to ignore racism over here!

Her husband Charles was equally concerned. After the performance, Charles attested that his daughter “had serious questions” about police violence and Ferguson. “We really had to have a discussion about current events we should never have had.”

Truly, no parent should ever have to tell their children about current events. Children shouldn’t read the news until they’re married, and schools should teach abstinence-only race education, where students learn the best way to deal with racism is to never talk about it, ever!

But this insidious example of multiculturalism should not be read as an isolated incident. A school in New York recently tried to celebrate national Foreign Language Week by having the Pledge of Allegiance read over the PA system in Arabic! When will these mad multiculturalists realize that just because the point of these national holidays is to promote understanding and tolerance, doesn’t mean you can use them as a platform to promote your twisted agenda of understanding and tolerance!

Students and parents, of course, were outraged by this butchering of the Pledge of Allegiance. “It is Foreign Language Week,” one student acknowledge, but asserted that “[the Pledge] should be in English.” English is a foreign language, right? Another tweeted that the school “could have just said ‘Good Morning’ in a different language each day.” As we all know, speaking entirely in English except for a few gimmicky sayings is a perfect way to show how tolerant you are of foreign languages, and is in no way offensive to the people who actually speak them.

The mild discomfort faced by these poor students, along with Rebecca, Charles, and the other unnamed victims of multicultural education, should serve as a warning to us all. Today it’s T-shirts and PA announcements, but what’s next? Snapchats? Skinny jeans? Stay warned, America. And stay safe.

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