Earlier this month, our favorite—well, our special—well, that one relative in our internet family, YouTube, turned 10. While some have given the young website a hard time for the childish comments it has been known to make, we would like to point out that YouTube has maintained decent composure for a child of single-digit years, especially given the literal shit it has seen. There are things on YouTube even readme doesn’t want to know about.
For its big Decadal, little Youey received a Pikachu and a Pokédex, as it is now old enough to travel the world and become a Pokémon master. We hope you catch a Magikarp, honey. But if that doesn’t pan out, we’re sure you’ll get your Hogwarts letter next year and have one more chance not to be a disappointment.
YouTube also released a “YouTube Kids” app. Basically, the child is given a cardboard tube. When questioned, a Google representative said, “Back in my day, we didn’t have none of those fancy video search engines. You had to find your internet porn by hand.” When readme asked what this had to do with the YouTube for kids, the representative said, “The what now?” A driverless car pulled up to retrieve the errant Google employee
Afterwards, readme decided to try out this new app. The user interface was a little unintuitive, but with some trial and error readme figured out it could watch video by placing one end of the cardboard tube in front of its eye. After testing it extensively, readme has nothing but praise for the app. The graphics are rendered in incredible high definition, to the point where they’re almost indistinguishable from reality. And there are no ads! Sure, the choices of video can be a bit limited, but that’s to be expected given that the app is designed for children, and readme was eventually able to find its favorite video of a man repeatedly getting kicked in the nuts by a bear (or by possibly a readme editor in a bear hat).
But then the man started swearing for some reason! What the fuckwaffles?! readme thought this app was for children! It tried to turn off the device by removing the tube from its face, but it could still see the video! No doubt this bug will be fixed in the next patch.