Reasons CMU Might Cancel Classes

• Too much snow. ‘Too much’ here is defined as ‘snowiest winter on record’, aka February 2010.

• Apocalypse

• Game of Thrones gets canceled

• Russia invades Margaret Morrison

• The people on Walking to the Sky start moving

• Freshmen can’t navigate Doherty, professors give up.

• Carnegie Mellon revealed to be enormous mass delusion

• Carnegie Mellon revealed to be purgatory

• Because fuck you, that’s why

• President Suresh becomes a communist, transforms CMU into a classless society

• Singularity reached, CMU’s purpose achieved

• Wean Hall finally transforms

• Batman sequel filmed on campus

• Philosophers finally prove that we can never truly know ourselves or anything around us and thus school is meaningless

• CMU students too cool for school

• readme finishes a list, causing Suresh to lose a bet against the popular satire paper. He is forced to declare a snow day.

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