Last week, Mitt Romney publicly declared his intention not to run for president in 2016. The media was in shock over this revelation, which leads readme to worry about the potential future health of the mainstream media.
Look, media, not to freak you out or anything, but…a lot of people won’t be running for president in 2016. We don’t want to go through this every time somebody declares their un-bid for presidency, so how’s about we save you the trouble and give you a nice list of the people who won’t be running for president in 2016.
• Bill Clinton
• Barack Obama, because he doesn’t have to
• Subra Suresh
• Andrew Carnegie
• Captain America
• Your mom! (unless you happen to be Chelsea Clinton, in which case, yeah, she’s probably running)
• Any former readme editor
• Any current readme editor
• Morgan Freeman, even though we’d totally vote for him anyways
• Stephen Colbert
• Arnold Schwarzenegger
• The Pope
• The Ex-Pope
• That guy who played the president in 24. You know, the All-State dude.
• Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals and the Rhoynar and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons. Because she doesn’t have to.