The release of the first official trailer for the fifth season of Game of Thrones already has fans of HBO’s award-winning series crying harder than ever before. Whereas the trailers of previous seasons inspired the fanbase, this one is somehow different.
“I’m just emotionally dead,” one fan said when asked. “The writers have already torn out my heart and stomped on it.” When shown a picture of fan-favorite Oberyn Martell, however, the fan began howling and crying, screaming that “it just wasn’t fair.” Further threats toward her current favorite characters inspired only more tears.
“I thought I’d be getting hyped up about it, y’know?” another fan told us. “Arya getting shit done, Daenerys finally leaving Mereen… But nah. Now I’m just convinced they’ll kill off Sansa. And Tyrion too. Why else show them in the trailer at all?”
Readers of the original Song of Ice and Fire series have also been moved to tears by the release of this trailer. While many have long enjoyed a feeling of superiority and advanced knowledge over the show-only fans, the potential for this new season to overtake the books entirely has driven them into deep shock and sadness.
“You know,” one reader said nostalgically, “I always thought that what me and the books had was special. That this TV thing was just a fling. That Cleganebowl was hype, and that Benjen/Euron/Daario always knew just what I wanted.”
But now? “Now I know it was just a lie. We never had anything special, did we, George? Huh? Huh?” The interview terminated when the fan began beating his fists on the table, screaming valar morghulis into the sky.
George R.R. Martin, the author of the series A Song of Ice and Fire, could not be reached for comment. His press secretary, however, did release a one-line tweet: “Oh, you sweet summer children.”
“At least if Tyrion winds up dead, they’ll have to cry about it before we do,” another book reader said between sobs. “Take that, you assholes.”